Getting older is craziness. Craziness I tell ya!

I have been remembering my younger yrs. more than ever lately. I mean realllllllly reminiscing on the way life was before...before I gained all this weight, before I got met James and got married, before I messed up, before I cut off all my hair, before I met my ex and the list goes on and on. I am now middle aged; I mean if you only live to be 82 that is. But some people do and some don't make it to that so I'm middle aged for a whole bunch of people. When in THE hell did that happen? I just graduated college last yr. I don't have any kids, shouldn't middle aged people have some grown ass kids? Yup, I've seen them. By the way, they look waaaay older than middle aged. Ha! Just playing, not all of them. Kids age you and make you tired. I will hit on that in a later post.
Today I finally used my Groupon for Metropolitan Laser Institute and got my mustache and chin hair zapped to oblivion. Well, not oblivion yet but w/just a few more appts I should be hair free. I used to watch my mom sit at the kitchen table absently plucking her chin hair and holding a conversation w/o missing a beat...or a hair. When she caught me staring her look would read "Just wait." Dam. 
I remember this Sasquatch like woman at the hair salon; she was so dam hairy. She had a mustache, a beard, sideburns and more. Her hair was laid but it was second to the bush on her face. No one said anything about it and my mom would pinch me bcuz I was never any good at hiding my feeling from my face. Yuck. But here I am at 41 yrs. of age w/hair appearing out of thin air. I find myself watching tv mindlessly plucking and rejoicing at the victory of the plucked culprit. Not cute. So enough is enough. Take it, zap it, get rid of it! Hair be gone! I cannot wait for the day that I forget where my tweezers are and it's no big deal.
So I guess I'm gonna have to grin and bear (sp?) it when my mom starts talking about her glory days when her ass could launch a thousand ships and they would kill themselves for her and all that. Or when my grandmother in law tells me the same stories over and over and over. God love them...I feel you.

He saw the best in me...

Ohhhhh, I'm sitting here in the office looking at all this clutter from the corner of my eyes, sipping on some swiss hazelnut coffee, listening to some contemporary gospel and blogging once again. God is gooood. I love Sundays! I know that God lives in us and all that but there is something about Sunday that makes me just feel so good and loved and close to God that I just want to curl up on His lap, share His snuggie and play in His hair while we just talk and talk and talk. Like the title says, He saw, and continues to see, the best in me. Man! Can you really get the power in that???? It's better than our parents here on earth bcuz I don't care how much your people tell you that they love you no matter what and that their love is unconditional...it isn't. It can't be bcuz we r human and we are here. Only Jesus could love like that, and that's cool w/me bcuz it makes Him even more special to me. He chose me twice and I love it!!!!!! I can't believe I still live as if I'm not His child. Sad. I need to walk in the confidence that I am a child of God and i'll be good. Playing small like I don't know from whence I came. Dummy!
Life is truly a journey and as long as I keep waking up I will continue to grow and learn. At least that's the plan. Oh Lawwwwd, u know what they say about plans. Nah, not claiming that. Keep marching, sister!

Shut up and write!

Wow, I feel kinda pompous saying I have a blog but I barely write it. Oxymoron? Yeah, or even a regular moron. I need to write, I need to write often. But for some reason I don't. I feel like writing holds the key to all of my questions, worries and angst. It taunts me by way of messengers in the form of family members and friends. It taunts me by, oh I don't know, having a blog. Wow. I need to write often. I love writing, I love creating, I really do. So why don't I write? 

I am so scattered at times, so when I write all that mind jumble comes out and it makes me feel like Tara from the brilliant show on Showtime "The United States of Tara." L.O.V.E. I don't want to come off as schizophrenic, or clueless, or (worse yet) a loser. I want to be successful w/my writing. I want to bring myself to others by way of writing. I want to make people happy with my writing. But ummmm, I may need to write to do that huh?

Okay, as of today, I am not afraid to write anymore. I will be vulnerable and stand in that place of blech to get to the point of victory that I am trying to get to. The only way to get over this self-built, stately, huge ass wall is to climb over it one word at a time. So I will write, write I will. Often.