Blah Blah Blizzle

Holy crap, I’m gonna be the worst mother ever. That is iF sweet baby Jesus asks his dad and he says it’s cool for me and hubby to procreate. And let me tell you…it would be a miracle. I say this because I spoke to my one and only recycling egg and she told me “Look, bitch, we’re not getting any younger. I’m getting tired and y’all are getting on my last damn nerve. Do you want kids or not?” Ummmmm, yeah. I mean yeah? I mean hell yeah?! No, I don’t. I mean I do some of the time but I look at parents and see the exhaustion in their eyes and think “Sheeeeitttt. I’m good.” But then later I look again and see the unabashed joy when little one does something goofy that only a parent or relative would think is amazing and I wonder what it would be like. I watch my husband with his nieces and nephews and swoon with love at his patience and strength and all around good uncle-ness and know with all my heart that I want to have his child. Right now! But wait…I’m 41. Have you heard the statistics? I know of 2 women whose lives will never be the same after having a child after 40. One is no longer with us. Do I really want to do this? Again, I have no idea. I like kids when they are about 8 or so. They can have a civil convo and they are generally entertaining. I don’t have to watch their every move and am pretty sure that they won’t do something unpredictable and bad for their well being that would alert CPS to come running. I could see it now. “Mrs. Williams, Hi, I’m Joan Patton from CPS and I’m here to investigate the call that your very own child made to us just days ago.” Shit. That’s a lot of work. I don’t have the time or the want to follow a little human around as he totally disobeys me and embarrasses the shit out of me while I wear a facial expression that says “Oh, that’s my little comedian. He’s just showing off; he never acts like this at home.” And then the horrified witnesses would give me either an it’sokayihaveone justlikeitathome or a didyouhavetobringthatwithyou look. Either way, not cute. Kids suck on a broad level. They don’t listen, they’re needy and they suck the life out of you. Who would want that?!? A whole bunch of people. They ask me if I have kids and try to mask their shock as I answer no. Is it because they can’t believe I would be this fat without having kids? Or is it the general disbelief that a woman who has gone through countless amounts of tampons from monthly visits from baby preparedness and many years of playing house with baby dolls that suckle and cry would actually choose not to have a child???? Ummmm, yeah! I like that I don’t look my age. I like that I’m only exhausted because my husband and I chose to watch some BS on cable and go to bed at 4 in the a.m. I like that I can spend money freely for last minute trips or some more MAC makeup that I may or may not use. I can do that. But kids…kids!!!!!

I love my God children, I love my nieces and nephews, but they all scare me a little. They look at me like they know that I have no idea what I’m doing, so right. I don’t. What is that cry for? What pacifier goes with that scream? Yeah, no. Not for me. I let all the baby lovers hold the kids. “Hey, Simone! Do you want to hold her?” Horrified look from me, “Hell no!” So, like I said, a child would be a miracle and if it happens I’ll be happy because I know that God put some thought into it and thought it would be a good idea because I swear if it was left to me I would have 863 dogs, maybe a cat if hubby gave in and maybe a few hamsters to round it out. Kids schmids…unless someone says something different.

Zoe!!!

When is it too soon to get another dog? A year? A month? Right away? Hubby and I waited 7 months. We have had our beloved new furry, 4-legged daughter Zoe the Shih Tzu for 3 days, 2 nights now and it’s been good. Really good. Interesting. We named her Zoe after having her for a few hrs. I wrote Miya, Alex (short for Alexandria of course), Zoey and Sophie on a piece of paper and read them to my husband. He listened and then said “Eh” and that was it. No commitment at all and still no name. The day we got her we sat playing with her in the living room and he simply said, “I guess Zoe would be cool.” Okay, I thought. “Zoe it is,” I said and swept her up in the air while introducing her to her new name. Little did I know how hard it would be to get her name straight. Fail!

So let me give you a little history. Our first pup together was beautiful Sydney. My husband’s aunt and cousin mated (is that a word?) their Shih Tzu dogs and had a nice litter. They offered one of the pups and we greedily accepted. Even though I was so not a lap dog kind of girl. I was all about the sturdy dog, the kind of dog my plus sized self could lean on and watch reality TV. A Shih Tzu? Okay, hell, a dog is a dog and I love them. I was about to graduate and the time was right for a furry addition to our coupledom. We had the marriage, the house, the backyard…let’s do it. We poured over names and decided on Chloe that changed to Sydney once we met her. She was so perfect.

Shortly after we got her my husband James went to work overseas and Syd became my companion, my partner in crime, my boo boo. I loved the shit out of that dog and she loved the shit out of me. She was my shadow. She would chill when I chilled, she would play when I played…she loved my parents. It was perfection.

But.she.was.stubborn. She loved to run out in the street and didn’t give a dam how loud and rough you yelled, she was going to get to the other side. But not that terrible day in Feb. I will never EVER forget. She ran out in the street and got hit by my neighbor’s friend’s car. How fast are you going that you can hit a dog and kill her when you’re parking right next door? I need to let that go for once. Syd was hit and died about 10 min. later in my husband’s arms. It was awful. Absolutely awful.

So here we are 7 mos. later with a new, precious 7-week-old Shih Tzu we named Zoe. I dropped the “y” and kept on steppin’. I sometimes slip and call her Sydney, it’s hard not to. Why the hell did we choose Zoe? Zoe, Syd…that dam sssssss. But, she is so different. She’s not as independent as Syd. She wants to touch all the time. She whimpers. She’s a little more hyper. It’s crazy. Crazy good because she is ours.  Our little girl. Our Zoe. I love her already and she loves me. She’s my shadow and I feel a wicked protection for her that is part natural and part fueled by the fact that our first baby girl was killed on our watch. Not good. But there is no time like the present. We will love and protect this dog with all we have and get paid in puppy breath and scratches. Love it.