Sooooo...I realized, just the other day, that on my birthday in January I will be turning 45 yrs. of age. 4...5....45...yup. Sigh. Not sure how the hell that happened and I know I should be happy because I'm alive and all that but I swear all I feel is disbelief. I am beyond middle aged. Seriously, how many 90 yr. olds do you hanging around? How and when did this happen? I'm still trying to land my dream job! I still haven't fully let go of the possibility of children. 45?
It's crazy how much I have let just pass on by while I fixate on attaining the next thing, whatever that might be. It's always something though..."When I get this, When I do this, When I lose this..." On and on...I should be exhausted. I've been comparing myself to others lately and it's not a good look; super depressing. Meanwhile, my awesome life is flying by at an alarming speed. Trust me, I know how lucky, blessed, fortunate I am but that doesn't stop the inner chatter from blaring in my head. The same chatter that talks me out of greatness before I even start. Instead of spending time thinking about what I'm lacking I need to spend that time loving on myself and appreciating every single blessing before me.
...pity party over. Lawd! Sometimes you just need to vent. Life is crazy, at the very least! I love it though and trust and believe, it is never too late. I have always been a late bloomer and I embrace it. I'm not dead so I can still do whatever I want. I can have whatever I want. Boom.
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